20052013
This post is a continuation to:
(I am continuing later with more points that opened up in the experiences described in the previous post.)
(Quote from yesterday)
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to get tired in my constant challenge to
be self-reliant and thus allow myself to fall when there has been a
safe environment to rely on instead.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist becoming
self-reliant because I have enjoyed relying on others as it has been
comfortable to me.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive it is
OK to rely on others because I enjoy it and because it does not
appear to harm others, not realizing that I am doing harm onto myself
by accepting and allowing myself to live as less than I could be, and
that the harm to others is done through me living as a “lesser
being”.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist becoming
self-reliant because I have perceived and believed it to be “a lot
of work” and “a burdensome task”, not realizing that even
though it does require a lot of work and conscious effort it only
becomes a burden by my own decision.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and
understand that becoming self-reliant and self-supported is an
essential part of a human being's process of maturing, and that I
will not be a fully grown being until I carry responsibility for
myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist becoming
self-reliant because relying on others to carry responsibility for me
and create my experience for me has been within my comfort zone as it
has not required me to move at all.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe the
process to grow myself out of the habit of relying on others to be “a
challenge”, here associating the word “challenge” with heavy
pushing and non-existent results.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and
perceive that the process of becoming self-reliant will bring no
“rewards” and that I am only doing it because I “have to” –
not seeing, realizing and understanding that the “reward” here is
to live as a being who will no longer live within relationships of
dependency, which I have witnessed to only bring about sorrow, pain,
chaos, frustration, disappointment, demands and self-compromise.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,
realize and understand that it is essential for all of us to become
self-reliant in order for dependency and its consequences to
disappear from our existence.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate
becoming self-reliant because I have been afraid that it would prove
to be “worse” than relying on others – meaning more lonely,
more isolated, more depressing, more passive.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive independence to mean separation from other people, not realizing that only when we are all fully independent and take responsibility for ourselves are we fully equal to and one with each other, because then all will have the one and same responsibility: themselves.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize
that I am right now in such a situation where my sense of stability
is constantly “being tested” because I have nothing permanent
with me expect for myself (and my backbag, but even that may get
stolen so I cannot rely on it), and that I am thus in a more
sensitive position and waver easily, and that it is no wonder I
occasionally fall when I find a temporary source of stability in my
environment – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to judge myself for falling without considering the
circumstances I am in, not being merciful with myself when I am in a
truly challenging situation.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is
“bad” to fall and rely on others for temporary stability, not
realizing that in these circumstances it may sometimes be necessary
for me to not go completely off-balance, assuming that I am aware of
what I am doing and directing myself.
I
commit myself to show mercy towards myself by forgiving myself when I
fall out of stability and allowing myself to be assisted by other
people / external factors to regain my stance.
I
commit myself to further investigate the exact practical patterns
that occur when and as I lose self-stability and become reliant on
external factors.
I
commit myself to realize that self-reliance
is a requirement of equality and oneness by looking at relationships
of dependency and asking myself whether equality and oneness are
present in these relationships.
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