30032013
I am now reviewing and re-planning my
daily schedule and I have planned an outline for how I am going to
change my practical daily routine to support me in the best possible
way. I am currently in the process of changing my focus from work and
hobbies into studying and replacing entertainment / other stuff I'm
letting go with activities that actually support me, such as exercise
and socializing.
The outline I laid out is as follows:
- 6 hrs sleep (currently from around 12am-6am)
- 1 hrs yoga, or other form of exercise (walking, jogging, dancing etc.)
- 1 hr breakfast and news (newspaper/news websites, e-mail, social networks)
- 3 hrs study/work
- 1 hr household work and lunch (off the computer)
- 3 hrs study/work
- 1 hr exercise/outdoors (possibly shopping groceries)
- 1 hr cooking and eating dinner
- 3 hrs study/work
- 2 hrs daily writing
- 2 hrs undefined leisure time (off the computer if possible)
Note: the contents of the study/work
phases may vary and they may also include daily writing – I'm going
to have to test this and re-shape it once I see how it works.
I'm going to have to test whether this
schedule actually functions or not, and this is going to take a while
because I will not be able to fully step into it yet. I still have my
day job, unfinished projects and a 3-month trip in Asia/Oceania
coming up, and I will be able to fully transfer myself into this
schedule once I return from my trip in August. But I am able to test
parts of this and try this out for a little while before I fly off,
and I will also be able to hold on to parts of it while I travel.
Why I find it important to have a daily
schedule laid out like this is that it supports me to remember all
that there is to be done, plus it functions as practical physical
support. I have to reserve time for nutrition, exercise and sleep, as
well as socializing – yet none of these may take any more time than
necessary because that would be over-indulgence which is based on
self-interest. It is simply not practical to eat dinner for three
hours, lol, daydreaming with each bite.
I need to be strict about the
study/work phases to see that I actually dedicate enough time for it
and make effective use of it. I am currently applying to study
education sciences in the university of my home town, and when/if I
get in the studies there will determine some of my schedule and also
assist me in being steadfast and consistent about my studies. (Quite
awesome to see that the schedules of a school are there to actually
support me to get stuff done and not to bully me. Lol.)
I am probably also going to have to
work while I study to support myself financially. The social welfare
money that is paid for students is barely enough to cover my rent and
living expenses, and so if I want to eat something besides spaghetti
I need to work part-time – and I am cool with that as long as it
doesn't take too much time out of my studies. If I could get a job
from the field of education that would also serve to benefit my
studies.
If I do not get into university I am
going to have to mainly work to support myself, but I still intend to
work less than before and dedicate my time to independent studying.
--
So, now to review how I have tested out
my schedule today. I woke up after six hours of sleep before my alarm
went off, and this made me satisfied because I have been unsure about
whether my sleeping schedule is working out or not.
--
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that my sleeping routine is not working
out because I have faced criticism and doubt when talking about it to
others and started to doubt it myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to doubt my sleeping routine and formulate
backchat, thoughts and worst-case scenarios (“what if I'm wrong?”).
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that my sleeping routine would prove
ineffective because that would mean I could not keep my current
routine which I have found effective.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think and worry that my sleep routine might be
ineffective without looking at how it actually is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear questioning my sleeping routine and
testing it out again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to get attached to my sleep routine because it
allows me more waking hours in a day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to give value other than practical to my sleeping
routine as I have glorified it to be a “time-saver”, this
including the word “saviour” which would imply that I'm not the
one doing the work (getting myself out of bed / into bed) but that
some outside force is “saving me” from too much sleep.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not view my sleeping routine as simply a
practical part of my daily routine which supports my daily living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to judge myself when I have slept for more than 6
hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to feel guilty when I have slept for more than 6
hours.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to participate in judgement/guilt the first thing
in the morning when waking up, not realizing how much this negative
starting point affects the upcoming day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to desire to be effective and sleep as little as
possible and thus get disappointed each time I sleep “too much”
(more than 6 hours) – not realizing that my body requires what it
requires and that the requirement is a result of how I have lived the
preceding day.
--
I commit myself to carry responsibility
for myself and my physical well-being by allowing myself enough sleep
and reserving time for sleeping, and also by getting myself out of
bed when it is time to wake up and start a new day (alarm goes off /
I wake up naturally) to prevent sleeping too much which is but to
escape one's life and responsibility as a living being.
I commit myself to be flexible about my
sleeping routine, not participating in any judgement/guilt that comes
up when I sleep a bit more than my usual 6 hours, as I see, realize
and understand that sometimes my body requires more rest when it has
been under more strain (a lot of work and/or exercise or if I am
sick/injured).
I commit myself to review my sleeping
schedule from time to time and to adjust it when/if necessary.
--
After I woke up (7am) I got out of bed
with my feeling of satisfaction and I went on to make tea. I then
noticed that I was not yet hungry, as I rarely am as soon as I wake
up, and I remembered that I had made a decision to start doing yoga
every morning before breakfast because it has to be done with an
empty stomach and serves as an awesome wake-up. I remembered I can't
do yoga now because I am menstruating, but then I realized that I
might as well replace the yoga with some other physical activity, and
I put on some clothes and had a walk outside. I didn't walk for one
hour today but only 20 minutes or so, but I'll start off with that.
When I was walking I wasn't really
here. I was already planning on writing out this schedule and how
“cool” this act to exercise in the morning would sound in it –
“I'm so effective, yes, now I'm doing it, this is it, this is how
it should be done” - lol, and I was just completely ignoring
everything around me and had no idea where I was even walking because
I was so caught up in the thoughts that came up after I had decided
to have a walk.
--
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to exercise because it would look good in my
schedule – like a trophy of effectiveness that proves I am active
and alive and “doing it!” and all that shit. (lol)
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to exercise from an unclear starting point and
thus miss the whole point of exercise, which is (when walking
outdoors) to breathe deep and get fresh air, get my body moving and
warmed up, and to take notice of my surroundings and interact with
the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to be blind to my surroundings while walking
outside.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not breathe with all of my lungs while walking
outside.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not focus on the movement of my body when
walking outside but instead walk around on autopilot which does not
serve as the best possible warm-up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not focus on what I am doing and instead think
about what I'll do afterwards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not focus on my morning exercise and to do it
from the starting point of waking up, getting air, moving and
interacting, and that I have instead accepted and allowed myself to
exercise from the starting point of wanting to look good in the eyes
of others and polishing my self-image.
--
I commit myself to clear my starting
point with self-forgiveness every morning before I exercise to ensure
I get the most out of it.
I commit myself to focus on breathing,
moving and awareness of my surroundings while walking outside and I
commit myself to take note of whatever resistances, thoughts or
backchat arise to waver my focus.
--
Once I was finished with breakfast &
news I moved onto sewing for the theatre project that we are
currently busy with. I am working on a really difficult fabric the
handling of which requires a lot of time, patience and skill, and I
after about an hour of work I noticed frustration towards the fabric
because the difficulties were taking a lot of time.
--
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to get frustrated at the fabric for “being
difficult” and “making things harder”, not realizing that this
fabric is what it is and that this is the reality with which I need
to work with – this fabric is not going to “get easier” with
blame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to hope for a quicker way of doing the work, not
realizing that straightening out the fabric is necessary before I can
measure and cut it, and that the nature of the fabric is such that it
takes a lot of time – there simply is no detour – the only way to
make my work more efficient is to practice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to worry about taking “too much time” on
working with straightening the fabric – not realizing that this is
the task I am facing and that this part of it will require plenty of
time – and that I am thus not taking “too much time” on it but
the exact amount of time it requires.
--
I commit myself to breathe while I work
and focus on the task ahead of me, and when and as my mind intervenes
with thoughts, fears, doubts and backchat, I commit myself to stop,
breathe, sort the arising points out with self-forgiveness and
continue with my work.
I commit myself to give myself the time
I need for the work I am doing, as I see and realize that the work
will take the exact time it requires for it to be practically
possible.
--
I'll continue writing about these
practical changes as I walk myself through them.
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