sunnuntai 17. maaliskuuta 2013

Day 177: Relationships and cross-gender support


Today I have been doing extensive private writings on attraction points and relationships of abuse. I will not share them in detail because they consider multiple people other than myself, and I will keep on doing this private writing for some time now because I have decided to sort these certain points with certain people out and to be absolutely steadfast, consistent and self-honest about it. I've gone around these issues for way too long – from here no further. I have invested in some parts of the Relationship Success -series and so far I have found them supportive.

So I was wondering to myself what I could share of this part of my process in public as I haven't really come to any major conclusions yet. In my writings I came across an interesting point concerning the desire to have a strong man be gentle with me:

“The image of me turning someone violent into someone gentle – as if I could take any credit for this – is one I associate with words “loving”, “adoring”, “bringing out the best of another”. It's bringing out the feminine in the masculine – turning something fearsome into something approachable, lovable, tame, kind, more human. Maybe that's one thing we are here to do for each other: to bring out the gentleness in those who have lost it – as well as to bring out the assertiveness in those who have lost it. Support across the genders is here, I guess, most valid and necessary and perhaps the entire point.”

So here I associate “strength” with the capability for violence, which in itself is fascinating and another facet in how I have separated myself from the male gender as humans as LIFE simply because we come in a different packaging. In a more general level I realized that this point of cross-gender support – male supporting the female to develop masculine qualities and the female supporting the male to develop feminine qualities instead of the usual routine of men being limited to masculine and women being limited to feminine and this being accepted and allowed as “natural” - I have never truly lived out, as I have always wanted to escape to my feminine helplessness and passiveness, never learning how to be assertive and active. No better time to learn than now!

Will continue tomorrow.

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