15102012
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to experience nervousness before a performance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that as I create nervousness by
anticipating the performance and the feedback that's to come I make
it harder for myself to be here and focus on the performance as I
project myself into the future, not realizing that as I'm not here my
performance will not be the best I can do and the audience will give
me feedback accordingly, thus fulfilling my fear all by myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not be here as I perform.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not be of support to the other actors by being
nervous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize it is more beneficial to support
others by being here and calm within and as breath instead of
following the others to their nervousness and us feeding each others
nervousness, acting out what we believe to be support instead of
asking ourselves whether it's actually supportive or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe that to validate each other's
experiences is “support”, when in fact it is just preserving the
other's and one's own bubble through a mutual unspoken agreement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not appreciate each and every time I get to
live out a character, no matter the size, quality or any other
attribute of the audience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize every member of the audience is an
individual and that every spectator is of value and should be given
the best I can do, as the impact the performance has on the
individual's experience can not be foreseen and if accepted and
allowed may be of high importance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize I cannot predict how an audience is
going to be influenced by the performance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe it is possible for me to know whether
our performance will be appreciated or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not give my best to each and every audience I
have faced.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize (most of) the audience is present
out of their own free will having chosen to spend their free time at
our performance, and that they are thus more likely to open up and
interact with us and hear what we have to say.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not appreciate the fact that I have a
possibility to explore the art of theatre, or any form of art for
that matter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to believe that the premiere is a “special”
occasion and live out the according feelings and emotions
(nervousness that becomes relief, excitement and joy), thus making
the rest of the process - rehearsals and the rest of the performances
- “less special”, where my focus wanders and I'm not doing the
best I can.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize all of the performances are a
unique occasion and a chance to interact with the audience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not enjoy the rehearsal period perceiving it to
be “tiresome” and “exhausting”, not realizing it is a most
enjoyable, enriching and essential part of the process the result of
which is the performance we get to share with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to forget to breath as I face adversity and
resistance during the rehearsals and consequently limit myself from
enjoying the process in its entirety.
I commit myself to do my best in each
and every performance by supporting and assisting myself through
breath and self-forgiveness as I now see, realize and understand that
each and every performance is a one-time-only interaction with the
audience that is there open and willing to hear what we as the
performers have to say.
I commit myself to no longer feed the
nervousness of others through my own nervousness or allow my
nervousness to be fed by others, as I now see, understand and realize
to spread it is an act of self-interest where I look for “support”
when I in fact only look for validation for my unstable state of
being.
I commit myself to bring myself here
within and as breath before each and every performance and through
consistency make breath my starting point on stage.
I commit myself to support and assist
myself to face and sort out the resistance I create during the
rehearsal period when and as the resistance is here.
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