30092013
This post is a continuation to:
“Lately I've been thinking a lot about attraction. When one is
attracted to someone, in essence it is a kind of a pull – being
drawn towards something – but these phrases suggest that it is
someone else pulling, that a force outside of me is drawing me
towards someone, when in fact I create the pull as I have created who
I am at the moment.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive that when I feel attraction I am not responsible for
that feeling because I have been taught by this world that
attraction, romance and love are some kind of a magical mystery force
that just comes from somewhere outside/above of us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive that I feel attraction towards another person because of
that person, naming it “destiny”, “love” or “fate”,
thinking we are “meant to be” or “made for each other” or
“soulmates”, completely passing the responsibility on the other
for a feeling that I HAVE inside of me, believing that he/she is
“making me feel this way” – not realizing that I am the
cause of every feeling and emotion I experience as nobody else
can access my body nor my mind, and that I am thus responsible for
the feeling of attraction within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
realize that when I see another person and I feel attraction, the
other person is working as a trigger to “who I am” (the patterns
of thought, belief and behavior I am currently living as) - “who I
am” is mirrored back to me within the interaction with the other -
which is when I project the following experience of “who I am”
onto another and feel drawn towards the other because of the
experience of “who I am” - not because of who the other one is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive that I am attracted to another because of who the other
is, not realizing that even though this is partially so, the primary
reason for my attraction is who I am or who I “get to be” when
with the other, as accepted and allowed by who the other one is.*
* For example, the other may be very kind I and I think I like the
other because he/she is kind, when in fact when I am with that person
I do not have to face my fear of aggressive people and I feel safe –
I am within my comfort zone – I do not have to step outside of my
comfort zone to face new challenges and grow as a person. Or: the
other may be very active and energetic and I enjoy being with him/her
because I can just follow his/her lead and do not have to motivate
myself to be active. BUT these examples only show how attraction can
be abused, when it can in fact also be used for growth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste
opportunities for growth when attracted to another being by accepting
and allowing my feeling of attraction to “take the wheel” -
believing and perceiving the other to be the cause of my experience
and attraction to be something magical outside of me, thus only
abusing the attraction as described above – not stopping to ask
myself where attraction comes from, who I become with the other and
what it is I could learn from the other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate
my responsibility for my experience of attraction by blaming it (very
lovingly) on my target of attraction or on the “universe” ( =
that great big something “above” me that can always take the
blame when I don't want to).
“The issue that somewhat remains is the fact that I suddenly find
myself drawn to many people at once – not that it wouldn't have
happened before, but before I have simply told myself “no” and
refused to explore the situation further. It's either been a “no,
I'm already in a relationship” or a “no, I've already got a main
romantic interest”. So basically I have already made up my mind
about who I will be intimate with, as if there was a spot I'm
reserving – and I'm not talking about only sex, but about all
levels of physical AND mental intimacy.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define
intimate interaction to be such that can only happen in an exclusive
monogamous relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify
limiting intimate self-expression into an exclusive monogamous
relationship by thinking it is “personal”, “private”, “holy”
and/or “special”, not realizing that all these concepts work as
an excuse to keep a level of myself hidden form myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that a part of me is “personal”/”private” - something I am allowed to keep to myself because it is only mine – not realizing that there is absolutely nothing that is “only mine” as everything that I am and live as is a result of this reality AND affects all of this reality, which makes everything that I am “everybody's business”, in a sense, because nothing of me is fully separate from the rest of this reality and existence.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that a part of me is “holy” and thus needs to be hidden from the world and/or shared exclusively with “special” individuals only, such as a spouse, a spiritual guide, a therapeutist or a god – not realizing that even though this “safe zone” of exposing myself may be a necessary step for me to open up at all, creating excuses to stay within that “safe zone” - such as by claiming it to be “holy” - is an act of fear and self-dishonesty, because what I realize of myself within that “safe zone” is not fully integrated into my living regardless of circumstances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit
myself from exploring human interaction with the thought “I already
have someone else”, not realizing that I am giving myself an excuse
to not face my fear of undefined relationships and unforeseeable
interaction and rather stick to my “safe zone” where I know what
to expect from each person I interact with as I have already decided
what is “allowed” and what is “not allowed”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive that I am only allowed to express my attraction towards
one person at once, as this is what I have been taught within the
culture I was born in, not realizing that this trait of this specific
culture (monogamy) has not been inherently here within human beings
since the dawn of time but is a concept and a tradition that has been
created to serve a utilitarian purpose within a certain context.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not
question my cultural context as I have believed that the authorities
in my life (family, school, media) have taught me absolute, universal
truths.
“The point is that what my relations are with the individual people
I come across of the world's population of 7 billion are what I make
of them – they are at best a creation by two – and that if I do
one thing with someone it does not exclude me from doing another
thing with somebody else.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my
self-expression into one “special” relationship because I have
feared that the one I am in a relationship with might get hurt,
insulted, angry, sad and/or depressed as a result.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this definition of relationships (one has to be “faithful” so that the other one doesn't feel bad) based on an experience within an early relationship of mine where I discussed this topic with my partner and my partner took it personally.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, when and as I saw my partner getting emotionally hurt, to react with fear of losing my partner and decide that I will be “faithful” to make sure that my partner doesn't leave me.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not responsible for the emotions and feelings of another when I do not purposefully provoke them, and that therefore my partner's reaction to our discussion was not my fault.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “take the blame” for the fact that my partner reacted when I expressed that I would like to share myself intimately with other people as well – not that his reaction would have been surprising at all and that I would have had any idea how to handle it.
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