30082013
When I was working as a judge in the
children's singing contest a few days ago I heard about an email the
organizer had received from the mother of a child who didn't make it
to the final round from the semifinals. In the email she had written
that the entire family had cried for hours because of disappointment,
and that the situation was organized so that the contestants who were
“eliminated” were publicly embarrassed. In fact, the organizers
had deliberately tried to avoid any embarrassment
or separation and had arranged the setting so that no one would be
lifted above anyone else, but these precautions were not enough to
stop a child / a family from taking the situation personally.
Hearing this paired up with other things I'd seen among the parents I learned something.
Most contestants (their families
included) do not realize a contest is just a game; therefore, no
matter how nice, soft and friendly you try to make your contest, if
it is organized without taking into consideration the fact that
people don't know “how to compete” (how to not take it
personally), it is irresponsible to organize a contest, because it
will end up causing harm among those who do not yet understand. This
is especially because we are talking about children who get fucked up
more easily.
I also realized something while I was
sitting among the judges and listening to the contestants singing.
Another judge was sitting next to me and every now and then she would
sigh at the end of a performance and just keep on sighing while I was
writing down notes on each performer. I thought about that sense of
wonder, amazement or “love” she might be experiencing while
hearing these children sing, while I was trying to see past my
experience (nostalgia, sadness, joy, wonder, whatever arose while I
heard the songs) and to focus on who the child was when he/she was
performing – how were they trying – as whom were they singing.
I then realized that the decision we as
a jury would come to would most likely be completely arbitrary –
chosen on random terms – because we had not agreed on what to judge
before the competition began. Others would look at their emotional
experience, which has nothing to do with the child; others would
focus on their technical abilities, which alone doesn't say anything
about the child as a being expressing him/herself. I realized that it
is insane to have a contest because the result is based on fluff –
and yet these people attending it take it extremely seriously! The
children stand there waiting for the results, nerve-wrecked and
trembling, looking at the jury in horror and anticipation, and the
parents paste a smile on their face to act as if their child's
inevitable loss didn't shake them down to their core.
I had my chance to speak to the
audience but I didn't utilize it, as all of this came together only
after the contest. What I should have told them is:
Hello everyone, thank you for being
here and being such a great support for all these children when they
performed. All of you contestants did very well. Each one of you was
immensely brave to come here in front of all these people, and each
one of you sang very well. I could see that you enjoyed singing, and
I hope that you will all keep on singing everywhere you go, with
everyone you meet. Songs are stories that we share and create with
each other, like books that you can hear.
The reason you had this competition
arranged for you today was so that you could show yourselves that you
are brave, and that you do not have to fear other people. When you
sing you show others who you are, because when you sing everyone can
hear you; everyone can see you, and everyone wants to see you. Today
you let yourself be seen. So that means that everyone of you
succeeded! Give yourself a handshake and say: “congratulations,
me!”
So the results of this contest don't
really matter; I could just throw them away right now and nobody
would ever know what the seven of us judges decided. How could we
ever decide who really deserves these prizes, this keyboard, these
microphones? How could we ever know which one of you already has a
keyboard or doesn't even want a keyboard? How could we know whether
any of you actually wants a keyboard or just to see your mother
smile? I would love to give the first place to the one who needs this
keyboard the most, but we do not know enough about you to decide
that. And that is why our silly opinions about the teeny weeny
glimpse we saw of you on this stage, nervous and frightened, is what
we have used to decide who gets which prize. That's all we have, and
that is unfair towards all of you. I would love to see you sing with
your friends and family, or when you are alone. I'm sure you all sing
way better when you're not on this awful stage.
So, I will now announce the results,
because that is what everyone wants to hear. But please bear in mind
that they are not real – they tell nothing of the reality. The one
who wins first price is not a better singer than everyone else here.
The one who doesn't win anything is not a bad singer. We, the judges,
we're just people like you, and in fact we do not know better. We
know nothing at all. The only one who knows what you are worth is
YOU. So give yourself another handshake and join me here on stage.
Here's the results.
It would've been a
little less elaborate in a 2-minute speech, lol, but to show myself
how I could've handled the situation.
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