26-27012013
Mostly relationships between people are
simplifiable to set relationship formats. There's your typical
mother-son, mother-daughter, father-son, father-daughter,
sister-sister, brother-brother, sister-brother, best friend, second
best friend, acquaintance, enemy, nemesis, boyfriend, girlfriend,
husband-wife, aunt, uncle, grandparent-grandchild, teacher-student,
senior-junior, employer-employee – all of this is characterizable –
all of this can be broken down to patterns of behavior, thought,
expectations, images, beliefs, assumptions – a social code that's
created, upheld and taught to new generations by the society as all
of us. What's wrong with this, then? Isn't this how things go? If
this is how things are done now, doesn't it mean this is the best
solution? And who am I to point fingers at others and tell them their
relationships are all wrong and patterned and - executed instead of
lived?
Well, I don't. Instead I'm looking at
myself and seeing that I have lived according to these learned
relationship formats – and that I will no longer accept any of
that, because living according to a ready mindset limits me from
exploring the possibilities that are actually here.
I realized that I have defined these
relationship formats for myself in terms of how to be with certain
people – and that I have an applicable pattern for every encounter
sitting at the back of my mind ready to be utilized. They are a
survival mechanism that stops me from expanding beyond my comfort
zone and becoming more than I am at the moment, and that which I am
at the moment isn't the best I can be. I will not accept and allow
myself to live as less than my full potential, even though the road
there is rocky.
So I will now walk these relationship
formats as I face them in my practical living and I will live myself
out of them. Let's see how this goes. Here I am not necessarily
talking of specific people, but going through the patterns according
to which I have interacted with different people in my life.
Part 1: Landlord
The one who borrows me a space between
a roof and some walls in exchange for money. I am to keep the space
in good condition, to maintain it, and to carry my responsibility
over the damage I might do to the property. This relationship is
purely business, and I am at a lower status.
Status: lower
Intimacy: none
Bargain: money for space
Gain: my own space
Loss: money
Risk: damaging another's property –
loss of more money
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to separate myself from my landlord(s) because our
relationship has been based on the exchange of money.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe a relationship based on money to be fundamentally insincere and inequal as I have believed and perceived the landlord(s) to interact with me only because I provide them with money, not because I am a human being in need of a living space.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that a relationship that involves exchanging money to automatically be corrupt, here associating money with greed and self-interest.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume, believe and perceive that my landlord(s) would not have anything to do with me if I did not have money to give them, here acting according to the fear of being rejected and limiting my behavior accordingly by “playing it safe” through showing respect, instead of allowing myself to see the actual possibilities of the interaction and allowing myself to create the relationship without limitation upon myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that money in itself is neither good or bad, and that the exchange of money is neither good or bad - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a relationship based on an imagined value given for the tool I utilize in my relationship to my landlord.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to feel as if I owe my landlord(s) in addition to
the money I give them because the fact that they offer me a place to
live in is “so good of them” that I should give them additional
respect and “keep my distance” as a sign of such.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to show my gratitude towards my landlord(s) with
“respect” by not interacting with them as equals but as someone
above and apart from me, not realizing that this is not an action
based on gratitude but on fear – I fear that my living space will
be taken away if I do not please my landlord or if I insult or
disrespect him/her.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize I am one and equal to my
landlord(s) as we are both human beings and beings of life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to limit my interaction with my landlord to
strictly business – interacting only when there's something to
discuss concerning my living space.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to perceive the act of allowing me to stay within
the living space my landlord(s) have agreed to borrow me in exchange
for money so “great” that I have made myself small in front of it
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
and perceive myself to be “powerless” to provide myself a living
space and be grateful when another gives me that which I am “unable”
to get – not realizing that this act of exchanging money is the way
I am able to provide myself a living space, and that the fact that I
don't own a building or build a shelter doesn't mean I'm not doing my
share of work to earn myself a living space.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear damaging my living space as the property
of another because I have feared the additional loss of money and
that my landlord(s) will think less of me as a result.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that my landlord(s) will think less of me
even if I carry my responsibility over my mistakes and the damage I
have done and do all I can to mend what I've broken.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged based on a whim of
the mind instead of being seen as my actual actions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to not realize that if I self-honestly assess the
situation and act accordingly to the best of my abilities to fix the
situation, and if my landlord(s) still chooses to see me based on the
mistake and not what I'm doing to repair it – judges me on my past
but not on my present – this shows me that the other is not
interacting with me HERE but from through the mind from which the
reality is seen filtered.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear these kinds of conflict situations where
another judges me based on my past instead of seeing me as I am now,
not realizing that I am able to discuss the matter with the other in
such ways that will help bring about a solution – and that the
judgement of another does not define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to avoid these kinds of conflict situations by
avoiding causing any damage so that I wouldn't be judged because as a
child I have learned that I ought to mold and define myself according
to the judgement of my environment.
I commit myself to live as one and
equal to my landlord as I now see, realize and understand the status
difference I have perceived to be there is nothing but imagination
which can be taken apart when and as both parties so agree.
I commit myself to no longer accept and
allow money to define my relationships.
I commit myself to realize that actual
respect towards other beings does not involve fear, and that actual
respect is to live as one and equal to all and thus act according to
that which is best for all.
When and as I am “alert” around a
being, not wanting to upset the other – I stop, I breathe and I
release myself with the support and assistance of breath from the
tense posture I have fenced myself into. I realize the tension to be
a sign of fear and actual respect to not include fear; I thus realize
I am not acting out of respect but out of self-interest. I
investigate for the starting point of my behavior (fear/desire) and
how I've executed it (character). I no longer accept and allow myself
to compromise myself for an imagined social agreement I had no say in
establishing and return to the interaction as I stabilize myself
within myself within and as breath.
I commit myself to realize mistakes
become mistakes only when responsibility for them is not carried.
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