This post is a continuation to:
Day 391: Winter depression
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disconnected from
life during winter.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the manifestations
of life around me during winter, as I have focused on the lack of
what I have labeled as “life” instead of focusing on what is
actually here.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I need to
work with the reality that is here at the moment in order to best
support myself to truly live within and as life.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the manifestation
of life that is myself when during winter my surroundings have not
supported my idea of “life”.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a deal with myself
that when the winter gets nice and cold and pretty (usually the
temperature here drops enough for it to be a beautiful winter for a
while) I will start taking walks outside and thus connecting with
nature and giving myself exercise – not realizing that because the
weather is unpredictable, this “deal” might never come to happen,
making this bargaining with myself unreliable. [We ended up having a
really sucky winter here, bad weather and no snow.]
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify giving in to
discomfort of taking walks outside when the weather is cold, dark and
wet by thinking that I'll go out when the weather gets better.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that making
“if, then” deals with myself regarding my physical well-being is
not reasonable.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support myself to push
through the discomfort of exercising and being in nature when the
weather is “bad”.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to define “bad” weather
according to some uncomfortable childhood experiences where I have
gotten cold and wet with no sense of control over the situation to
comfort me. [For example, now as an adult I can reason out with
myself that if I get wet, I can always eventually come home and
change into dry clothes.]
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless when my
surroundings are physically uncomfortable, not realizing that I have
the tools to both alleviate the discomfort by practical means and to
walk myself through my feeling of discomfort.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the
manifestations of life in nature during winter by choosing to not go
out much, thus causing my sense of being “disconnected from life”
myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the
manifestations of life in other people by choosing to not go out much
and rather stay at home due to seeking comfort, thus causing my sense
of being “disconnected from life” myself.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the weather as an
excuse to not exercise.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the weather as an
excuse to not socialize.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the weather as a
justification to give in to my desire to remain within my comfort
zone / my fear of facing discomfort.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I have
created resentment towards certain weather conditions, facing those
conditions within any activity is an act of stepping outside my
comfort zone, which means that I need specific attention and care
from myself when I face those conditions and expand beyond my current
comfort zone.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to go
jogging in “bad weather” and get disappointed in myself when I
repeatedly failed to do so, not realizing that as both the conditions
and the activity are such that I am still to some extent
uncomfortable with and resent, I would need clear focus and awareness
to be able to commit this set of actions.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully support myself
when and as I would have the opportunity to do something
uncomfortable and expand myself, thus with my carelessness wasting
the opportunity and building up self-disappointment.
- I commit myself to take into consideration my remaining resentment towards jogging and certain weather conditions when and as I go out to exercise by giving myself enough time, dressing up properly, removing any distractions and focusing on giving myself attention.
- I commit myself to exercise one moment at a time, one breath at a time.
- I commit myself to use self-forgiveness to overcome mental barriers towards exercise.
I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the
weather is not a valid reason to not go out unless it's raining
fireballs or razorblades (lol) – unless the weather is actually
directly harmful to human beings, which it rarely is here.
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