Day 379: Waking up efficiently

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I am once again checking my sleeping patterns. I have been having plenty of sleep lately and I've felt guilty about it, thus trying to force myself to sleep less through different methods and failing every time. I realized that the guilt is a major issue here, because whenever I notice myself having slept “too much” - whatever my definition of “too much” is – I sabotage the way my day begins by feeling bad about the rest I've had.

I've come to understand that when I want to stay in bed after initially waking up there are two possible reasons for it: a) I am actually tired and need more rest, or b) I do not need rest but simply enjoy being in bed. The bed is comfortable and warm, especially now when it's winter and my apartment is a bit chilly, and being inside the covers is a physically enjoyable thing to do. What I need to look at, though, are the consequences of staying in bed. Sometimes just hanging out in bed might be a good way to rest and recover even when I'm not sleepy, but mostly what I end up doing is falling into a dream-state and sleeping more, thus confusing my body.

So I guess I could say that my need to stay in bed can be physical or it can be mental – it can be the need of the body or the need of the mind.

One thing I've noticed to make me want to stay in bed and escape beginning my day is when I have no designated task for the morning: no work, no lecture, no meetings, just independent tasks that I have to schedule and arrange myself. This is something that I can practically change through planning. I almost always know my schedules in advance, so what I could do the previous evening is decide on at least the first task I will tackle in the morning. This would make my days more efficient and also give me a sense of meaning, which I now feel I am lacking. The work I do now with my studies is so abstract, so non-concrete that it is difficult for me to feel motivated to do any of it when I do not see the results in the physical. Maybe I could integrate some dimension of practical application to my studies that I do not yet have.

Ok, tomorrow: self-forgiveness, re-structuring and commitments.